i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
