...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
