I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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