i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
