Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
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