It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Randomize
