You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Houston, we have a squirter
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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