maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
