shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
