...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
