my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
