Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
