Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
