I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
