so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
