i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
