I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
