I hope mine doesn't look like that
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Randomize
