Say something about gay babies.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
