Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
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