um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Randomize
