I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
