drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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