Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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