Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
