We named our party play list daddy issues
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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