her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
