Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
