y did u give ur computer a hand job?
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
