wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
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