I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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