Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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