u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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