Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
