Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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