hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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