So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I could have mohawked her pubes.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
