How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
