I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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