1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
