i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
