i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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