dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
