Sry I called you an 8
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
