you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
