I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
40s are totally the cure
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
