My friends, they love my intelligence
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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