Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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