man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
