come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
