she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
