just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
