At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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