dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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