I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
