I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
